So we are somewhere over the Arctic Ocean on our way to China. We are 5 hours into a 13 hour journey to meet our newest son, Miles Chen Da.
And I am in full-on meltdown mode. Straight up PANIC, y'all.
I am exhausted, physically and emotionally and the tears just need to come out.
Let me set this up - Colt is flipping through the Delta magazine and mentions a Domino's ad - his favorite pizza. The reality of this situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Our little life - just the three of us - will never be the same. I suddenly want to be at home, eating pizza without a worry in the world. Y'all, it feels like regret.
I can't believe I just admitted that. So I do the only thing that I know to do. I pray.
"God. Come quickly. Meet me here in this ugly place. I know you called me to this - now you gotta get me through it."
I already miss my comfort zone and I have two more weeks (plus forever) of this. So anyway, as I am praying/begging God for help, I remember that my dear friend and fellow adoptive mama gave me a card and a gift for this very moment.
I dig it out of my carry-on and open the card first. The threatening tears burst out like a dam broke loose. Inside she had written exactly what I needed to hear. God knew.
After I cried all the tears (for that moment anyway), I got a good giggle over a funny book about doing hard things.
At this point, Colt has dug into some Dove chocolates. Inside the very first wrapper it says this, "Home is where Mom is."
Miles doesn't have a home because Miles doesn't have a Mom. In less than 3 days, that changes forever. That is exciting, yes. It is also terrifying and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous or just flat out scared.
The last 2 1/2 years have been so long and like a pipe dream, but here it is. It's time for it to become reality and that is HARD and SCARY and EMOTIONAL and BEAUTIFUL.
Please pray for our family, especially Miles and Colt. Colt has not wavered for a second during all of this. He is ready and excited and fine. I pray he stays that way but I just don't know. Miles is about to get his world rocked. It will be terrifying for him.
I want to be honest so that people can know exactly how to pray for us. I need courage, strength, and wisdom and I need it now.
I feel better already.
Today, I am thankful for a God that hears my prayers and helps me do hard things. I am also thankful for friends that have gone before me and that help to carry me when I freeze up.