Bad News.

Today we had our usual 6 month visit to the pediatric eye specialist. I had a couple of concerns going in and left with more coming out. Not what I was hoping for, I have to say.

Lately Colt hasn't wanted to wear his glasses in the evenings,  saying his "eyes are tired". We have also noticed one eye starting to turn in a bit. If you remember,  Colt has had three surgeries to correct this already.

Well, Dr. Peterson noticed it immediately. It really is turning in. Also, the vision in that eye has gone from 20/40 to 20/70 in the last 6 months. He is concerned about the crossing mainly because when there is one "good eye" and one that crosses, the brain will stop using the "bad eye". This is what leads to the vision loss and this can be permanent.  Now Colt's glasses are not strong enough,  but Dr. Peterson wants to wait to change the prescription.

So. Now, we are supposed to patch the good eye for two hours a day, which will force his brain to use the bad eye. We have been through this before but only for one hour at a time. If the patch helps,  great! If it doesn't, we are looking at a fourth surgery. We have to go back in two months, rather than our usual six. This is not what I wanted to hear and really breaks my heart. I really thought that door was shut for good.

Three Year Old Responsibilities

Things at the House of Doo have been kind of hectic lately. Summer is winding down but it is still miserably hot out, so the family ice business is crazy. There are also about to be some changes, so Ryan works a lot. Colt and I spend A LOT of time together when Ryan is working. That is a good thing, however, some days I LONG for Colt to go to bed. Don't act like you don't know what I mean.

Anyway. Colt seems to go through cycles of really great behavior, followed by really terrible behavior. It seems the latter stage has been lasting a few months, but I was starting to notice it was worse after eating certain foods. Especially fruit snacks. He was a monster every time he ate them! About a year ago, I took foods away that contained dyes. It helped tremendously. Then i got lazy and let him have them back. Well, I have taken them away again. It seems to be working, or maybe it is a coincidence. Either way, I am happy.

Colt is also VERY strong-willed. I have been reading articles and blogs about parenting strong-willed children and have found them very helpful. One thing that really seems to work with Colt is to let him have responsibility. We have been to the mall twice this week and both times,  I let him walk. I LET MY VERY DEFIANT THREE YEAR OLD WALK THROUGH THE MALL. WITH NO LEASH/STROLLER/BACK-UP PLAN. ALONE. (Me, not him) If you are a parent of a very defiant, stubborn, clever three year old you know what kind of disaster could have ensued.

Guess what. It worked like a dream. Now please know I threatened the devil out of him, but it worked. I let him know what a privilege it was to be allowed to walk and not ride in a stroller but if he even thought of running away or grabbing anything,  his little hiney would ride in a stroller forever. It worked. It worked. It worked. We went in stores, we walked long hallways,  we went in a "cafeteria style" restaurant and he pushed his tray down the line and chose his food. He even went in the bookstore, chose 2 books, and patiently let me pick one! I am so proud.

Tomorrow is a new day and things may change,  but for now, I am thrilled. I love allowing him some freedom and responsibility and he loved it too.

Now, if we could only get him potty-trained

Reaching Out.

Following our geneticist's recommendation, I am now trying to get physical therapy through the school system for Colt.  Here is my latest email (minus names) to the county Special Education Services:

Ms. I.,

I have a little boy (Colt D., 3 1/2) that receives speech therapy through Cherokee Ridge. He was tested by T. C.  in October 2013, after aging out of Babies Can't Wait. We were assured he would qualify for Special Ed Pre-K because of his delays, but indeed, he did not. I was told his cognitive ability was too high. I realize that is a good thing, but it left us with a lot of problems and no solutions, also nowhere to go. We ended up at Siskin Children's Institute and love it, however, because we live in Georgia he cannot receive therapy through them. I mentioned we get speech and I am thankful for that, but he was receiving PT through BCW and wasn't approved for it through the school system. I was very unhappy with this testing and I feel that because he DOESN'T have a diagnosis, he is allowed to let "fall through the cracks." Luckily, we see some amazing doctors that are trying to give us direction, but none can seem to figure out why our school system isn't helping us more. We recently saw Dr. Stevens, our geneticist, and she strongly recommends Colt receive PT again. Can you please help me? What can I do? 

I was referred to you by C. H., a dear friend and W. County teacher. She has a son that has some similar issues to my son now and she has been a wonderful resource and sounding board. 

Thank you in advance for any help or direction you can give. I refuse to let my precious boy fall through the cracks. He doesn't deserve that.

JBD

 So, here's hoping we can get a little help and hopefully add PT back in to our life.  Wish me luck!

One Year Genetics Follow-Up

Today was our follow-up with Colt's geneticist,  Dr. Cathy Stevens. If you have been following Colt's journey for the last couple of years,  you will know he has been through lots of testing to try to find the root of all of his developmental delays. We had two rounds of genetic testing done with no answers and decided to stop for a year and see what happened. Colt was having nightmares and it was getting harder and harder to watch him scream and fight while they put him to sleep or poked him with needles.

So, it's been a year and here we are, a whole year of unbelievable progress from our precious boy. We have so many people to thank for that - therapists, praying friends, fantastic teachers, and a very supportive family. Dr. Stevens was VERY pleased with Colt's journey. She couldn't believe how much he can say, when only months ago, he communicated with signs and very, very few words. She says he is still terribly large with a large head, but now thinks the head size may be genetic. Thanks,  Ryan. ;)

She is still a bit concerned with his low muscle tone. She thinks we should get back in with a physical therapist and is writing us a recommendation. She thinks that should also help with jumping, climbing steps, etc. The speech therapy should continue for enunciation/clarity purposes.

She also would LIKE another MRI to check his brain damage and see if it has changed at all. However,  we are going to wait. It really won't change anything for him right now,  so maybe if he is still behind his peers before starting Pre-K, we will have another one.

So, there we are!  Continue therapy and wait it out. Now though,  I have no idea how to go about getting PT started again without the help of Babies Can't Wait.

I am very happy with the visit and thrilled to know she doesn't think we need to pursue any more testing for now. Our hard work and awesome support system is paying off.  I can see that in Colt every day.

White Boys Can't Jump

It's been over a month since I last posted. Life is pretty good these days. 

The best thing so far to happen lately... We sold our house!  We sold it to a nice family with a three year old little girl.  They got transferred here from Albertsville, Alabama and they are super nice.  They are truly an answer to our prayers.  I hope they love that house as much as we did. 

Colt is doing pretty well these days.  For a few weeks, we had some serious behavioral issues, but the last 4-5 days have been much better.  I am hoping it was a phase and we're through it.  At least until the next phase.  ;)  I am learning that's what childhood is - a bunch of different phases.  Some good, some bad. 

Colt can pretty much say anything these days, but it's still hard to decipher sometimes.  He leaves off the first letter of many words, and sometimes says the wrong sound for a letter.  D's are often G's, for example "Gaddy" for "daddy" and the L sound for W - "lotter" instead of "water" and so on.  Still.  It's a beautiful sound, no matter what.  

I think I have mentioned before that Colt has begun to sing.  It's my favorite thing in the entire world, right now.  He LOVES the radio and knows just about every single song they play, on any station.  He is his mother's child, for sure.  :) 

Developmentally, he has made amazing progress.  He is SO close to being right where he should be, in my opinion.  Most people probably don't even notice anything is different about him.  The only time you really notice is when he is surrounded by other children his age, like at a playground.  Yesterday we went to a trampoline park here in Chattanooga called the Jump Park.  It is a really awesome place.  Colt and I both had a great time and left dripping sweat.  I can't wait to go back.  However, being there made it very obvious that Colt is different.  There was a bit of a problem on the trampolines...  Colt can't jump.  He doesn't know how.  He tries but his feet never, ever leave the ground.  I held his hands to see if that would help, but he just bends his knees.  I did a lot of jumping to bounce Colt, hoping that would kind of "stimulate" the jump in him.  Hm.  He had physical therapy for a while and they taught him how to climb steps, but still no jumping.  The only thing I really know to do about that is to keep going to the Jump Park.  It can be our own version of physical therapy and a great workout for Mommy.  Plus, it's crazy fun.  :)

Lately, Colt seems really bothered by his glasses.  It started with him saying he couldn't see with them on.  I wondered if his prescription was changing.  That has happened before, his prescription changed very rapidly with his first set of glasses and he needed new lenses after a couple of months.  That scares me a lot.  I wondered if that was what the problem was.  I didn't ask him about it to see if he'd let it go.  He did.  The other night, totally unprovoked, he said "Logan and Will don't wear glasses."  Those are neighborhood/church friends of his.  I replied, "No, they don't.  But Mommy and Daddy wear glasses.  So does Libby.  It's okay to be different from your friends."  He let it go.  Yesterday, we were driving home from lunch and he said, "I can't wear glasses when I play football."  Just pulled it out of the air.  He's obviously thinking about it a lot.  It makes me wonder if someone is saying something to him about him being different or if he's just noticing that he's different.  I continue to stress that it's a good thing to be different and that it makes him special.  Colt and I watch the Braves just about every night.  He knows every player on the team and what position they play.  I told him to think about Freddie Freeman.  He wears glasses when he plays baseball!  He kind of smiled at that.  Last night, I looked up a bunch of different athletes that play sports with glasses.  I think I might try to make him a book of sorts with pictures and stories of athletes with glasses.  Maybe I can find a book about kids with glasses too.  Here are some of the pictures I found:

B.J. Upton

Freddie Freeman (my personal favorite)

Landon Ard

Reggie Jackson

Brian McCann (Colt loves catchers! I miss B-Mac but love Gattis.)

Does anyone have any other suggestions?  I am open to anything.  I don't want him to be ashamed of them or embarrassed.  Thanks in advance. 

Here's my little white boy...not jumping.  ;)

Where We Are Today.

I am currently sitting in Panera, in the most obscure corner I can find. I was so excited to have a few moments to myself (thanks to my mother-in-law and brother-in-law, Adam) and now I sit here missing the busy-ness that Colt brings. The past few weeks have been long and hard. It is officially summer in our business and Ryan works every single day, often late into the evenings or night. I know it comes with the territory, but it is still hard. Colt cries for his daddy and I know Ryan desperately misses Colt too. It's at times like these I feel like a single parent. (You guys are amazing, by the way.) Whew, I am tired. It is hard for me to NOT feel guilty about not doing anything for a bit, but I keep trying to tell myself I deserve it. We all do. 

I have been wanting to post about Colt and update on all of his little victories and setbacks too, but I am not sure I am up to that from my smartphone. ;) 

I can say this, he can be very difficult but that little boy is pure magic. He laughs constantly, he smiles at everyone, he introduces himself and shakes hands, he says "yes, ma'am" "no, thank you" etc. without prompting, he loves his mommy, daddy, grandparents, and family with no limits, and he sings, HE SINGS!! The kid that may never talk, now SINGS. He loves music, loves sports, loves being outside, and loves to swing.  His personality is starting to show and he has gotten to be very funny.  I think that because he doesn't have to think quite as hard when he is talking, he is able to be more expressive in his words and tone.  His face has ALWAYS been very expressive, but to hear it in his voice is like hearing music for the first time.  He still stumbles over his words a lot, but that is getting better every day. 

Now, he still isn't potty-trained but we are still getting there. He does great everywhere but home. Maybe he gets comfortable or lazy there? He also behaves better in public than at home. We are often going somewhere for that reason.  Colt is having a hard time with a bit of a "bullying" situation at school, but I am hoping it has been taken care of. I will find out for sure, you better believe that.

We recently went to my allergy and asthma doctor to see why Colt gets bronchitis so often. He is sure Colt has asthma and wanted to run a test, but we aren't going to do it because our insurance sucks and it won't change anything. There isn't a way to prevent it from turning to bronchitis, so nothing will change, we just treat it.  I was pretty disappointed with that.  We pretty much knew it was asthma, I was just hoping we could find something to prevent it from turning into bronchitis so often.  

Other than that, things around our house are pretty much the same as always.   I will end this post with some of my most favorite pictures from the last few weeks or so. Sorry for the photo overload. :)

Mothers.

I apologize ahead of time if this blog gets a little personal but I feel compelled to write it anyway.  Maybe for me to go back and read later.  Maybe for someone else to relate.

This Sunday is Mother's Day.  I used to really struggle with this day, but the past few years, it has held a very different meaning for me.  This will be my fourth Mother's Day as a mother.  Wow.  I am a MOTHER.  That still blows my mind sometimes. 

Many of you know, my parents divorced when I was a baby.  Maybe around a year old or so?  honestly, I don't remember.  I don't remember my parents ever being together and the thought of them together makes me laugh.  My mom had a lot going on that we won't get into, but long story short, I stayed with my dad.  I cannot imagine it any other way.  For about five years, Dad was mom AND dad in a lot of ways. 

I experienced a lot of things growing up that I still struggle with, going back and forth between families.  I wouldn't wish some of those experiences and disappointments on anyone.  Ever.  Throughout my teenage years and college years, I always wanted children but really, secretly, doubted my ability to be a good parent.  How could I be a good mother when I didn't know what that meant?  My "growing up" years were hard. 

Fast forward a few years.  Ryan and I got married.  We wanted children but I was still secretly terrified.  Five months after we got married, we found out I was pregnant.  Oh my goodness.  No going back now!  Could I do this?!?  I didn't think so. 

Now, Colt is 3 1/2.  I am far, FAR from a perfect mother.  I am many times very impatient.  I lose my cool sooner than I would like to admit.  When Colt drops a big glob of ketchup down the front of his white shirt, I almost die.  (But really, who puts a white shirt on a 3 year old?)  My house is FAR from clean.  The laundry is piled up.  I nap when Colt naps, when I should be cleaning or catching up on laundry or making an amazing Pinterest craft from Colt's footprints.  I should shower, but instead, I nap.  Or read.  No one is going to see me today anyway, right?  I am NOT PERFECT. 

I didn't have a shining example of a mother, but with God's help, I am a darn good one despite that fact.  I never could have imagined crying over first words, first steps, and little, bitty victories.  I never could have imagined kissing bloody knees, or cutting someone else's toenails (I am disgusted by toenails), or catching someone else's vomit in my hands, or wiping their snot on my jeans or my shirt when I don't have a tissue, but I do it.  I do it because I have never in my life loved anything or anyone like I love that grinning, snotty, beautiful, tornadic little monster. 

I guess I say all of that to say this, YOU can break the cycle.  You may not feel like you are doing a good job, but if you love your babies as much as you possibly can, you are good enough.  And really, "good enough" is all they need.

Please know that my mom and I have a much different relationship now.  She has a story you wouldn't believe.  She is a strong woman and I love her.  Please don't ever think I don't.  We butt heads, but isn't that what mothers and daughters do?  Anyway, I just needed to write this out to encourage me when I needed to go back and hear it (every day) and maybe to encourage you. 

Your past is NOT your future.  Your past is not your child's future.