It has been a few months since I last posted. Almost four months. That was the month we lost our baby girl, Collins. It's been four months of grieving and healing, too. It's hard to see my "pregnancy buddies" being so close to giving birth, but I am excited for them still. If anything, I have come closer to God in the last few months and I am thankful for that.
A couple of months ago, I had coffee (and two and half hours of conversation!) with a former teacher-turned-friend. We talked about many things, but one topic stuck with me. The topic of Collins and her purpose here in this world - on this side of Heaven. This friend urged me to know that Collins' life did indeed have purpose, just like mine and yours too. I have pondered on that and prayed on that for a while now. Jump forward a few weeks and many prayers and we are in Sunday school, where Ryan is teaching. He was talking about questioning God and how he struggled with asking God why He took our baby girl from us. After class was over, we went on into church where we had a guest speaker. He was speaking about his calling to open an orphanage in Uganda, where the orphan rate is unbelievably high. In that moment I knew what Collins' purpose was.
After church, Ryan asked me if I would ever consider adoption. HA! I had always wanted to adopt - ever since my mission trips to Jamaica back in high school and college. I told him that I had always wanted to, but I never imagined he would be willing to do so. We talked a lot about it and prayed a lot more.
I know that Collins' purpose in this life was to show me and Ryan that we could indeed love another child as much as we love Colt. I know that she was sent to us to open our hearts and our minds. Also to stir up love and the desire to love another child. I don't believe her purpose was to ever be here on Earth, her job was completed before she ever opened her eyes in this world and she will complete her life in Heaven, free of hurt and pain, praising Jesus until we get there.
Doors were closed, others were opened, and one day just recently we were SHOVED through a door.
So I write this to tell you all that Ryan, Colt, and I are adopting. We have been lead to adopt an orphan from Haiti and we are terrified and excited too. We still have a long road, as it's a very long process and a very expensive process. We have lots to do and I ask that you pray with us and for us and our future child. There will be lots of fundraising and I pray that you would help us with that too. Adoption is unfairly expensive. However, we know that this is God's plan for us and He will make a way.
Thanks for reading!