The House of Doo

The House of Doo

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Touching Base.

It has been a while since I have last posted about our adoption. Things are moving along, VERY slowly. We finished our home study a couple of weeks ago and are waiting on the final written report. For some reason it is taking a bit longer than we were told, but it is what it is.

At our final home study, we were given a lot of information that I have been dwelling on for a while now. Our social worker told us about a time when she visited an orphanage in China. She was in a room FULL of cribs holding babies - literally a hundred or more. Can you imagine how chaotic that would be? A room full of screaming babies? Except it wasn't. IT WAS SILENT. It wasn't some crazy miracle where they were all sleeping simultaneously - they were awake! I can't imagine that. You know why they were silent? Because they had learned that when they cried, no one came to them. If they were hungry, dirty, sick, bored, lonely, scared, tired - no one came to care for them when they needed something. So eventually they learned to just keep quiet. Getting Miles to verbalize what he wants and needs is going to be a huge struggle.

Our social worker also told us to expect Miles to be very angry with us for taking him away from the orphanage. This cold place is his home. In my mind, a child would hope to be adopted into a family! This is rarely the case. These children don't know any differently. They don't know they don't have a family because they don't know what a family is! She says Miles will likely not trust us for a long time. He will most likely bond with Colt quickly because he's used to children and not adults. She says Colt will have a HUGE part in this adoption - he will be the one teaching Miles that he can trust us as his parents.

I would be lying if I said this didn't bother me. It is weighing heavy on my heart. I am TERRIFIED. I don't know why God chose this path for us, I am scared of it, but I am ready for it too. It will be a huge challenge but I know that He doesn't always call the equipped. He equips the called. God will take care of it, but I do still appreciate your prayers for us. For Colt and for Miles. I pray they do bond quickly. I also pray that Ryan and I have the heart, the strength, the grace, and the love for this task. It seems so very big.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Yesterday Colt had an appointment with his pediatric ophthalmologist. We go see him every 3-6 months, depending on how Colt's eyes are doing. We have been noticing his eyes "wandering" again for about a year or more and the doctor has been monitoring it closely. He has also started doing the weird head positioning when he's trying to focus. Anyway, yesterday I took some pictures in that I have taken of Colt where his eyes were obviously off. Dr. Peterson decided he would change the prescription in his glasses to try to fix the issue but because it's happening when the glasses are on and off, he isn't sure it will work. We may be looking at a fourth eye surgery in our future, but we do have some time to wait and see. Dr. Peterson also wasn't happy with the way his eyes were switching from being turned in to turned out. He says this points back to the neurological issue Colt has had since birth.

If you have followed Colt's journey for a while, you may remember when he was two years old, we were told that Colt had brain damage or mild cerebral palsy due to a suspected stroke in-utero. Then some time around four years old, we were told that the MRI showed that the brain had basically "healed itself" and that the damage was gone. I posted about that some, but I never posted about how I truly felt. I felt like I should have been elated!


I was devastated. You know why? Because all the symptoms of the brain damage were still there. The developmental delay. The eye issues. The speech issues. The right side body weakness. The physical awkwardness. And on and on. When we found out about he brain damage, we had an answer as to why Colt had all these issues. Well when they took that answer away, we were left with the questions again.

If that's not what is causing it, then what is?

 Then yesterday, when Dr. Peterson said the words "neurological issue" all of those feelings came rushing back. Granted, now we have some other diagnoses - Autism, ADHD, SPD, but those don't explain his eyes not responding to his brain and the other physical issues. I am not sure we will ever really understand the puzzle that is Colt, but I am trying.

I just needed to get that out. I hated thinking that I should feel one way as a parent that receives good news, but I didn't feel that way at all. Now those words are being tossed around again and the feelings are back.

Anyway, here's one of the super cute pictures of my boy and his special eyes. 💓

Thursday, March 2, 2017


Y'all. I woke up this morning feeling unbelievably CONVICTED. GUILTY. ASHAMED.

Mission trips will do that to you. They change you. It's a good thing.

This morning, as I was praying, I realized that I was thanking God for all of these THINGS - these things that I have. "Thank you for my home, for heat, for a dry place to be protected from the rain, a warm bed, warm clothes, a safe car, hot coffee, clean water, clean clothes..." As I was thanking God for all of those THINGS, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Everything I was thanking Him for were things that so many don't have.

The rainy season is beginning in Uganda. In the Katanga slum, rain floods their tiny shacks. Along with the rain washing into their homes is trash...and raw sewage. I don't have to stand all night because I don't have a dry, clean place to rest my head. I don't have to poop (sorry) in a bag and dump it outside in a "creek". I don't have to prostitute myself to be able to feed my son. But why not? Why not me?

As most of you know, my husband and some of my dearest friends and church family just got back from Uganda on Saturday. A friend of mine was walking through Katanga when a lady handed my friend a brand new baby. "Take her", she said. This mother was trying to give her baby away because she knew she could not feed the baby. She didn't want that baby to grow up in a place like Katanga. Can you imagine having to make that choice? Some other friends were offered children too. They wanted to sell their children to the "rich Americans" to be able to survive.

Y'all, we are SO very fortunate. SO FORTUNATE. I hate when people say, "I am so blessed" because they have so many things and homes and cars, etc. It's true, you ARE blessed but so are the people in Uganda and all the other places in the world. God blesses us all, we just happen to have been born in a country that has much more opportunity than they do. It could have been me growing up in Katanga. It could have been you. Your children. Think about that for a while. Why wasn't it me??

My heart is absolutely broken for those people. I cannot wait to go back. I want to love them. I want to tell them about Jesus and how much hope He can give. I want to help educate the young girls so maybe, just maybe they can find jobs and not have to resort to prostitution. Maybe help keep them from HIV and help their future babies from being born with HIV. I am just broken for them.

I am thankful to have seen the filth. Smelled it. Lived it for a few hours. Now I can't just pretend like I haven't seen it. I can't go back to living like everything is fine in the world. I have to do something. Once you see it, you HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. Please pray for me, Ryan, and Colt as we pray for guidance and direction in this situation. We have to do something because... 

It could have been me, God. Why wasn't it me??

Monday, January 9, 2017


I think it is time for an adoption update. For some reason, I have really been struggling with adopting from Haiti. The wait time for Haiti is approximately 5-6 years right now. Too long! After our last home study, we had a lot of "homework" to do. Ryan did his share fairly quickly but I just couldn't get mine done. I had no real reason other than I had lost my fire for it. I was seriously dragging my feet.

Soon after, the opportunity to travel to Uganda came up. I kept telling Ryan that I knew something was going to happen in Uganda and I knew in my heart that was what I had been waiting for. When this journey began, my heart was in Uganda. Now that I have been there, I know it will always be there.

We were told my our agency that Uganda is not adopting to Americans right now. After talking with friends in Uganda, we decided to look into their adoption agency. (They have 5 adopted kids!) Well, their agency has access to "exceptions" and you have to apply for exceptions, which allows for the Ugandan children to be adopted to Americans.

This requires us to change agencies, but will allow us to follow our hearts. So... we have changed agencies, applied for their program, and been VERY TENATIVELY MATCHED WITH A LITTLE BOY. He is 6 years old, just like Colt, and we are smitten. We have his file, he is healthy, adorable (!), and very sweet according to the orphanage workers. This is still early in the process but I am sharing because I covet your prayers.

Please pray with and for us! God has big plans for us in Uganda, no doubt. ❤