Please forgive me if this post is choppy. I am a bit rusty.
If you know me well, you know that I am much better at communicating through writing than with spoken words. I tend to speak before I think things through and this often gets me in trouble. Sometimes I even "post before thinking" and this too gets me in trouble. I have taken a few "Facebook breaks" over the past few months and it's been liberating and constricting at the very same time. It's nice to not feel so connected to something and to be able to pull away. But at the same time, it took away my voice. I can promise you that was a good (but hard!) thing at the time. I had lots of ugly things to say to anyone that would listen.
I have not blogged since April. I am missing it. Missing my outlet. Missing my (free!) therapy.
The past year has been the worst year I could have ever imagined. I have felt intense joy and the most intense heartbreak too. I have been put on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. Medication to sleep. Therapy. It's hard. I have been drowning. I am still struggling but I am starting to see a light at the end of this horrible tunnel.
Our family has been tested relentlessly this year and y'all, we failed.
Our family almost didn't make it.
Our flesh is so weak, but you know what? Our God is so strong. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
I take comfort in knowing that we are doing what God intended for us. I know Satan tests us most when we are doing what is right. With that being said, we are still adopting. I still have shirts to give out. I have not forgotten. I have just been fighting to keep my head above water.
I am sorry. I am sorry I have been a bad friend. I am sorry I haven't been a good example. I have been angry. Sad. Hurt. Hopeless. Anxious.
But I am coming back, hopefully for good and hopefully all of me.
If you made it through this, thank you. ❤