The House of Doo

The House of Doo

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Heartbroken but Hopeful

"But plant your hope with good seeds
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds
Rain down, rain down on me
Look over your hills and be still
The sky above us shoots to kill
Rain down, rain down on me
But I will hold on
I will hold on hope

-Mumford and Sons "Thistle and Weeds"

Well, I feel like I have cursed us with my last blog post.  I have been so excited and bragging about how great Colt's eyes looked for almost a week.  I definitely spoke too soon.  On Tuesday, Ryan and I both noticed that Colt's left eye is starting to turn in a bit.  That evening, our friend Lauren was over and without us saying something about it, she mentioned that it looked like his eye was turning in.  I was hoping that Ryan and I were just a little paranoid and almost looking for something to go wrong, but when she said that, I knew it wasn't just us being paranoid.  I am sick over it, my heart is broken.  I just knew this was it.  I knew we were nearing the end of this journey.  My poor boy is not finished yet.  We see Dr. Peterson's partner, Dr. McCarty, in the morning at 8:15.  I am assuming he'll confirm what we feared and then we see Dr. Peterson again on the 17th of this month.  I am going to try to talk him into doing the next inevitable surgery before the end of the year, because we have met our deductible and our out-of-pocket max.  It will start over again at the beginning of next year.  Sigh.  Anyway, I am happy that his eyes are better.  I am downright thankful.  I am also terrified because when a child's eyes turn in, it really hinders their development.  That is exactly what we DON'T need.  So.  There's that.

We also got the info from the Pediatric Neurologist yesterday.  We have an appointment with Dr. Miller at T.C. Thompson Children's Hospital on February 4th.  Then, the Pediatric Neurological Development Specialist in March.  I just want some answers and I want to know why Colt is so different.  Special.  He's special, not different. 

Last night's sunset.  This gives me hope.


  1. I know at times it's hard to be thankful, but remember this.... 1)he IS special and 2)God gave him to you and Ryan for a reason. The two of you are his parents because that's what God wanted. He, in his infinite wisdom, knew that the two of you would be the most supportive and patient and resilient parents that Colt could ever ask for. Love you, and I continue praying for y'all.

  2. I feel for you. Thankfully, we have not had to deal with physical development issues or the surgeries like you guys have, but it is never fun to hear a medical professional (or anyone for that matter) say that your kid is anything but "absolutely fine." My oldest son has speech delays, and gotten an autism diagnosis, although many, including us, have debated that. I don't know what the future holds for him, and while I certainly hope for continuing improvement, I know that he is special and I am so grateful for him and his quirky personality. I will never stop worrying that we are doing everything we can for him (when you're a Mom, that's just your job), but I have been able to take a step back and just enjoy him as he is right now. I'll be praying for all!

    1. Thanks, Lydia. I have heard "autism" tossed around a couple of times, but we do not have a diagnosis yet. I, like you, debate that wholeheartedly. How long was it before your oldest began talking? Colt is about 3 weeks shy of 2 years old and still not talking. Was it similar for yours?