The House of Doo

The House of Doo

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Down in the dumps.

I'm having one of those days where I probably shouldn't be blogging, but here I am behind the computer anyway.  Honestly, I am having one of those weeks, but you get it.  It seems as though nothing is going the way I hoped.  You know those times?  Everyone does, I know.  It's not only that, but I am going through that phase (at least I hope it's a phase) where I just feel lost.  I can't get into all of it, for fear of putting my foot in my mouth, but boy, I hope things change soon. 

I found out on Tuesday that it looks like we won't be getting back into Flintstone this year, after all.  I am heartbroken, again, but I keep telling myself there is a reason.  I've never been one to believe that "everything happens for a reason" but maybe there is one this time.  I'm not so sure.   I tried so hard not to get my hopes up for fear of this, but just couldn't help myself.  I kind of thought it seemed so simple and easy because God had set it up.  Obviously, I was wrong.  How are you supposed to know when to just wait and trust God to handle things or when to be pro-active??  Sometimes, waiting seems like laziness.  When do you know???  I am so confused.  :(

The new speech therapist we were supposed to get called on Tuesday, too.  She can only see Colt on the days that I work, because she is in a different county on my off days.  So.  That's disappointing.  We're going to try to see the Speech Pathologist at the clinic, but there is no guarantee that she will have an opening, since we didn't jump on the chance in the beginning.  Our case manager was supposed to call yesterday, but she's out of town, so she may be behind.  I am getting very discouraged here.  Ryan and I both keep dreaming (a few times a week) that Colt says words, but it seems we are going backward again.  We did get a new sign, "potty", and he used it last night after he pooped, so that was exciting for us.  We obviously need some excitement in our lives if we get excited over that.  How do you get a child who can't talk to tell you he has to potty?  The sign, I guess, but I don't know how to talk to him about how to tell me BEFORE he goes potty.  Ryan and I have been trying to teach Colt the sign for "I love you" but it involves too many fingers for now.  We do it anyway.  We're still stuck at the "progress plateau." This is the point where I always get discouraged and want to quit.  However, I can't quit on Colt, so we'll push on and hope for some words!

Most of my readers probably live around here, but if you don't, we've been having some seriously rainy weather around here lately.  I mean, solid rain for as long as I can remember.  It is really getting old and I love a good rainy day or two.  I don't know if my mood is due to the dreariness or not, but for the past week or two, I have been in a terrible funk.  I don't want to get up and once I am up, I feel like I just fumble through the day.  Yesterday, I had this great idea to get out of the house and go to the mall to let Colt play on the indoor play area.  He played about 20 minutes, then tugged my arm to leave.  He's never done that.  Maybe he is in the funk too.  :( While at the play area, I found myself looking around at all the other moms, in their little groups, skinny and dressed all cute and there I was, without a shower in yesterday's jeans.  I felt so out of place and lost.  All the other moms seemed to "get it."  I don't "get it."  Bah.  Maybe it's just the weather getting me down or maybe I really have no idea what I am doing.  I'm seriously leaning toward the latter.

Colt has also been waking up religiously at 3:30 in the morning, for no apparent reason.  When he wakes up, I lie there for a good hour or more after he goes back to sleep, tossing and turning with all those terrible thoughts that come to you in the middle of the night.  You know, the bad ones that make you feel even worse about yourself.  I hate those.  Why do they always haunt you in the middle of the night?  Sigh.  I think if Colt didn't wake up, I would sleep okay.  I hope he gets out of his funk soon too, maybe it will help me with mine.  I am exhausted and down in the dumps.  Say a little happy prayer for us, if you get a chance.  It would be greatly appreciated.

The only sunshine I have seen in far too long.

The highlight of my week...Dad's cows got out.  I got all 4 of them back in the fence.  By myself.

Take that.  Moo.

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